Adult Sex Education

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself the question: Do you trust me?

Try it now!

Maybe pause and look into the mirror – stare into those eyes looking back and ask the question…

Most likely, you already know the answer. There may be no explanation for it, but it’s there in your body.

Maybe it’s in the pit of your stomach, or as some people like to say, the heart of hearts – but the answer is there whether you want to see it or not.

Why it’s hard to trust yourself

If you’re like me, the answer to this question was a great big NO!

You see, I grew up in a world where it was unsafe to disagree with my parents, my pastors, or any other authority figure. If I didn’t do or think exactly as they told me to, I would probably be hurt.

By the time I was 12, I decided that I wasn’t going to listen to myself anymore and simply do whatever someone else expected from me.

Even when I knew what I wanted (or didn’t want), I learned how to play along with whoever was the most powerful person in the room.

I learned how to ignore what I needed for my own safety, but it formed a habit that was really hard to break.

I learned that I couldn’t trust myself to look out for me…in fact, I believed I couldn’t.

I believed that I was powerless.

The Power of the Mind

I heard a story about how elephants in India learn how to stay with their owners while they are still young.

A small string is tied around its leg and attached to a stake in the ground (similar to a dog on a leash). The baby elephant tries to break away from the string but it can’t.

Soon it learns that the string around it’s leg means it can’t run away – and it continues to believe this even after it grows so big that it could pull the stake right out of the ground.

What we learn when we are young conditions us to continue believing and acting in the same way…even when the habit no longer serves us.

Retraining your Brain

Whenever I lead people through activities like conscious touch, eye-gazing, or other activities that are deeply personal, I always start with a conversation about consent.

So many of us were trained as baby elephants to believe that other people have the power to decide what we do with our bodies. Even when I use my power as a facilitator to encourage people to listen to their needs and take care of themselves, it is still difficult for them to say no.

I remember sitting in one of my first cuddle parties watching people in tears, crying because they had told someone else “no” for the first time in their life – and this boundary had been respected.

For me, the experience was more internal as I learned it was possible to look out for myself and express what I needed. Saying “no” was one of the first steps I took to begin trusting myself again…and it made it so much easier to say “yes” to waht I really wanted.

Learn How to Trust Yourself Again

If you want some helpful tools to retrain your brain how to say no, how to ask for what you need, and ultimately how to trust yourself again, be sure to subscribe to this blog – or send me a personal message using one of the forms. I’ll be happy to send you a free exercise that was really helpful for me!

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